She dodged a bullett
they say
they're wrong
she took a hit
grazed the heart
hasn't been the same
since

hasn't healed
yet
tried time
needs something stronger
something longer
it may be behind
her

faith

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible."

St. Thomas Aquinas

Utopia

"...Utopia as a form is not the representation of radical alternatives; it is rather simply, the imperitive to imagine them..."
Frederic Jameson

Excerpts from a Dog and Cat's diary

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........

Brilliant!

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my Passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date. For Christ's sake, do you guys still do all this by hand ?
My Birth Date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the Income Tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my Driver's Licence, and on the last eight Passports I've ever had, and on all those stupid Customs declaration forms I've had to fill out, before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable Census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my Mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed, between now and when I eventually drop dead!!!... SH!T!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pi$$ed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullsh!t! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my F@#&in' address !! What the hell is going on? Have You got a gang of mindless Neanderthal a$$holes workin' there! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard !

For God's sake. I just want to to go to New Zealand and see my new Grand Daughter. (Yes, my Son's interbred with a Kiwi girl). I hope that it's not a crime ???And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh!t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the City, and get another F@#%in' copy of my Birth Certificate, to the tune of $80! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new Passport the same day?? Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the F@#%in' place like Chickens with our heads cut off, and then have to find some high society a$$hole, to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture ! You know, the picture where we're not allowed to smile?! ( F@#%'in morons) Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're all totally pi$$ed off!

Signed

A F@#%ing very irate Australian Citizen.

PS. Remember what I said above about the Picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade, yes ??)I have served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and I have had security clearances up the highest level .I'm also a personal friend of the President of the RSL, and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas Card each year. However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'Important' to verify who I am; You know, someone like my Doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F@#%ing PAKISTAN !!! (You know, the country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the "right sort of government").

I'm done with all this, this Country of ours is easier to get into, than get out of! I'm staying home and hopefully my Son and Grand-daughter won't have anything like as much trouble trying to get into here as I'm having trying to get out !

GOOOOOOOBAMA!

One sunny day in January, 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'
The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here.' The old man said, 'Okay', and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here.' The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?' The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.'
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow, Sir.'

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give which is everything."

Confucius

To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order;

to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order;

to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life;

we must first set our hearts right.

Bill Maher

“Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.”

anonymous

Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals.

Peter Ustinov

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

Peter Ustinov

Freidrich Nietzche

No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

Freidrich Nietzche

Clive James

"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."

W C Fields

"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."

"Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream."

"Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill."

"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."

A. A. Milne:

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.

Joseph Chilton Pearce

“In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.”

Coco Chanel

Quilla 16 weeks...

Everybody's Freeeeeeee!

feel good nostalgic time waster..... Spanx Baz

Vous convenez, non ?

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function

Tom Waits.. on temptation

You got to tell me brave captain,
why are the wicked so strong,
how do the angels get to sleep,
when the devil leaves the porchlight on.

Quilla @ 12 weeks

How big is Quilla now? @ 11 weeks.

On expectations...

"The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me."

(George Bernard Shaw)

On commitment:

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. "

-- W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition

Wingnut Homaaaaage

I there's one thing I'm categorically obsessed with , it's The West Wing. Hands down and without question this is my favourite TV program of all time. In time I will bore you with many a reason, but for today however I would like to share....


Visual...

President Josiah Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
President Josiah Bartlet: Yes it does. Leviticus.
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.
President Josiah Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.

Gives me goosebumps..

The Invitaion - by Oriah

someone stole my thoughts...



The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.



It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.



It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.



I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.



I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy
fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.



It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.



I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.



I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”



It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.



It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.



It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.



I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Best Blonde Joke

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." Withthat, she strips from the neck down, rolls the dice and yells, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice comes to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals ..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugs each of the dealers and then picks up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks,"What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

Moral of the story? Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Ahhhh

Everything you want is on the other side of fear and discipline.

Curious about Scientology???

This made me laugh....

Everything you ever wanted to know about Scientology

.... though I wouldn't exectly call it objective!

The Hero Nexus - A tool for inspiration.

....Because greater concepts can be conceived, nurtured, and realized...

Hero Nexus - Henry Thoreau

' I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.' Henry Thoreau

Henry David Thoreau (July 12, 1817 – May 6, 1862; born David Henry Thoreau) was an American author, development critic, naturalist, transcendentalist, pacifist, tax resister and philosopher who is most famous for his written account, Walden, a reflection upon simple living amongst nature, and his essay, Civil Disobedience, an argument for individual resistance to civic government as moral opposition to an unjust law. Thoreau's collected work of books, articles, essays, journals and poetry total over 20 volumes. His ideas were influential in the development of anarchism, and are most evident with the American anarchists and the pacifist Leo Tolstoy. As such, some consider him to have been an anarchist, though he himself disclaimed the label. He was a lifelong abolitionist, delivering lectures that attacked the Fugitive Slave Law while praising the writings of Wendell Phillips and defending the abolitionist John Brown. Among his lasting contributions were his writings on natural history and philosophy, where he anticipated the methods and findings of ecology and environmental history, two sources of modern day environmentalism. His philosophy had tremendous influence in great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr., as well as great everyday philosophers like Lena Lockhartart.

Did I really say that?

.....probably!

The one about Scleroderma...

What NOT to expect…
I've been diagnosed with Systemic Scleroderma recently and have spent the past year or two, having many tests done on every part of my body, firstly to see if there was any damage already, and then several more rounds to establish a base line, and measure the progression. This hasn’t been easy. Although most of the tests aren’t too painful physically, the emotional roller coaster of uncertainty has taken a toll. I’ve never really experienced anything like this and struggle a great deal at times. They call it the disease of exception, as the variables are immense, and on a good day this can mean a sense of optimism and hope, but a on a bad day it triggers those feelings of uncertainty. I’m finding the uncertainty the hardest to deal with. I have bouts of insecurity that overwhelm me, and have a tendency to just loose it… and that’s just soooo attractive don’t you think? As you can imagine, I then have a shit load to clean up. I tend to apologise alot at the moment. ALOT

Physically, it’s a moderate challenge at this stage; emotionally it’s a bloody massive one.

I get these things called Infards on the end of my fingers, they’re lumps of collagen/scar tissue which are trying to push their way to surface (a bit like a splinter would) only the scleroderma creates a hard shell on the surface of the skin like armour so there ends up a battle. And Ohmygod are they sensitive, it’s like having a dozen paper cuts on my fingertips that are all attached to my nerve endings… Using a pen is hard, as is opening things, especially putting on make up and you all know I like to have a face on! And of course they’re fucking tiny and everyone looks at me with that face of “ it’s a tiny thing on your finger what are you making such a big deal about’ and then I start thinking ‘ Lena, you’re such a baby it’s just a little thing on your finger get on with it’ … until I find myself in the bathroom balling my eyes out…They last for months, and being an autoimmune disease, I get infections at the drop of a hat, antibiotics are my best friend, and you know what that means don’t you girls….

Winter is horrendous for Raynauds (spasms in the blood vessels that effectively cut off circulation and turn my fingers and toes blue) but the turning blue is not the painful part. As the blood returns to those areas they burn like they’re on fire inside and they itch so much the only thing I can do it clench my fists until it passes. And that probably happens 5-8 times a day. Stress and smoking are also trigger’s for a Rayauds Attack. Hello guilt!
Smoking is getting the better of me at the moment. I have trouble breaking out of this viscous circle of it being the stress management technique I use to manage pressure caused by, among others, trying to quit smoking and the guilt associated with the failure to do so... I told you I’m having a hard time of it of late.

The Esophegeal Reflux is an uncomfortable inconvenience, though not too hard to manage if I cut out coffee, chocolate, spicy food, foods too high in acidity, smoking, eating in any posture not sitting up straight, and not lying down afterwards for a few hours, and remembering to take my pills everyday… I mean for fucks sake, that IS my diet!

I also have heaps of Spider-veins all over my face and body, which although aren’t painful at all, are ugly, and a constant reminder that I’m not normal. Don’t even think it…I know I never have been, and what really shit’s me, is I can’t remember ever wanting to be normal in the first place, and then THAT starts freaking me out! When did I get so neurotic????

Exhaustion is the battle with the most casualties I think. I’m pretty much always tired. I don’t tend to socialise much these days, conserving my energy to get through the working week without taking too much time off so I can hold on to my job, get, and stay out of debt. This frustrates the people around me as I often cancel on them. More apologising… and for many reasons they’re not always so forgiving. It also puts a great deal of pressure on those closest to me to make up for my lack of entertainment and social interaction. I am all to often too overwhelming, exhausting, intense, needy, scared, uncertain, frustrating, angry, suffocating, and terribly lonely for them to handle.
Thank you so much… for your patience, understanding, forgivenes, and loyalty... I, know who you are.

I’m not looking for sympathy guys, truly (because we all know where you can find that… between sex and syphilis in the dictionary!) Some support, understanding, and humour would go a long way at the moment. I’m struggling and am reaching out for a bit of tenderness and humour. You’re all really good at that.

There won't be too much more on the subject at present but you know me.. I'm not one to keep it all inside, I can't.. it simply bursts out at the seams anyway.....

Lunar Power

Loving the blog toys.....

CURRENT MOON

lunar phase

>

I Could Have Danced All Night.... if it wasn't for the shoes!

Last night my dear friend Marc and I went to the annual Diabetes Australia Charity Ball. We bathed ourselves in aromatic waters, dusted in fine powders, donned the finest of threads and all for a good cause.
Isn't the necklace amazing... an origional Innemeé, it was too perfect for the dress - I'm so lucky!!!

Middlesense

I heard about this on the radio today.
Apparently it's a term "accepted " by American scientists to describe a stage of life between the ages 35 and 50 that can be described as ( but not limited to ) '....Sense of dissappointment/dissatisfaction/disillusion " a crisis! Lasting anything from a few months to a few years.
I think I just had me one of those.....
The scary thing for me, was not knowing what elements of my life would survive, like a meteor crashing in to planet TaiTai. Intellectually I understand that there were parts of me that were redundant, past their usebydate, no longer necessary for the next phase of my life. But I was terrified of which of my babies would be thrown out with the bathwater so to speak.
I'm a senimental being. I cherrish everything thats close to me.
I'm proud of that.
Turns out it's just growing up!

Visceral Memoirs

The melting pot that is Newtown, Sydney was privelliged to have amongsts it's usual aray of misfit pilgrims, three remarkable ladies. Even more remrkable was the probability of these particular ladies ending up living in the same building.
The first to arrive was me. I came for a job interview at a travel agency, and not just any agency either. The largest one in this part of the world. They could have put me forward to any one of over a hundred shops in this part of the city but someone thought I'd be suited to Newtown. Cheers Sandy!
I was living over-the-bridge at the time having just arrived, with everything I owned in the back of a Mazda 323, aptly named Bitch due her attitude when asked to go anywhere. She came with me, and everything I owned, from Western Australia. She was strapped to the back of the Indian Pacific as I sat in one of the carriages and we headed east, across the red centre to make our fortune.
Painfully early ( a family curse) I sat in a funky little cafe, one of the many that line King street, and saw Newtown yawn, stretch, shake last night off, come to life. It was love at first sight. Alternative, urban, funky, social, completely unpredictable and right slap bang in the middle of one of the most breathtaking cities on earth.
That morning I saw a thirty-something couple walking up the street . She was wearing a business suit, killer heels, and had her hair done up in a no nonsese bun. He could best be described as tribal. Tall, lean, Thai fishermans pants, shaved head, and Tatoos he looked like he had just stepped out of a full moon party in Kho Phangan. They were passed on the opposite side by a drag queen walking her dog, 2 teenagers from the Newtown High School of Performing Arts, and a guy wearing a sugical pants and T-shirt. Between the University , the Hospital, the mission, and the Imperial Hotel, I knew I wouldn't tire of this place easily. It has yet to dissapiont.

Taking The Bird For A Walk

This is the most adorable picture... A Tai Tai caught unawares. Stopping to smell the flowers whilst taking her feathered friend for some sunshine....

So what DOES one do with a soapbox once one has one?

Finally, an all areas pass for the highest mountain.

How indulgent to have forum, such as it is, for my many, many opinions.

It's a bit like flashing, or so I've heard. You are never sure if they see the parts you want them to see...

How do you feel about flashers? Do you laugh, or shoo them away with your urban weapons- a brolly, or mace perhaps?

Hard to spot them, what with " The Trench" being back in this season.

Here I Am.